Eighteen-year-old Izzy dropped out of college after being overwhelmed by the need to be perfect, and suffering from chronic anxiety and loneliness. To her surprise, with the help of family, friends and professionals, she learned to understand her mental health and manage her thoughts and feelings.
“I started to become aware that something was wrong when I found myself spending more and more time in bed. Although that’s not abnormal for a teenager, I felt unsettled and agitated.
“The only reason I got up was to go to college; I had little motivation to do anything. I found myself procrastinating, then in a frenzy trying to get everything done.”
As a result, Izzy felt overwhelmed and dreading the week.
I didn’t want to see friends
As well as struggling with her studies, Izzy was struggling socially too.
“I didn’t want to meet my old friends. It felt like a huge amount of effort as if it was some kind of performance. I would overthink how every social situation would play out.
“I felt tired of socialising before I had even done any socialising. I had a few friends at college but nobody I felt I completely “clicked” with, could confide in, and be myself. This mixture of anxiety, guilt, and loneliness made college feel miserable at times.”
Despite this she didn’t really think there was an “issue”.
“I thought this anxiety was a part of my personality – which to some extent may be true. I decided to ignore it because I hoped the feelings would pass …but they didn’t.”
I couldn’t face going to my lessons
“Eventually, I called my mum from a toilet in college crying because I couldn’t face going into my French lesson. The teachers and students were lovely and lessons were often relaxed and fun. There was no rational reason for me not to attend. My brain kept telling me ‘your French isn’t good enough’, ‘you have nothing interesting to say’, or ‘the others think you’re boring’. I think this was probably an anxiety attack.”
Izzy admitted to her mum that she was feeling lonely, anxious, and not enjoying college, and they went into college together.
“We spoke (well mainly mum to be honest, I slouched mute in a chair) to my teachers to see if we could find any way to ease my distress.
“However, by this point I had gone into fight or flight mode and had already decided in my head that I needed to get away. Not surprisingly, withdrawing from my studies didn’t immediately fix my problems. Now, I was just an anxious girl with nothing to do and feeling like a failure for dropping out of college.”
Going to the GP
Izzy’s mum encouraged her to get help.
“I spoke, begrudgingly, to my GP about feeling down. I felt very anxious in the waiting room. I didn’t think I would be able to articulate my thoughts and feelings clearly enough.
“However, my doctor was very sympathetic and listened. He asked me lots of questions and genuinely seemed interested in what I had to say. He suggested cognitive behavioural therapy and sent information to my phone. He also suggested medication if my symptoms worsened, as an absolute last resort.”
Seeing a therapist
Later on, Izzy’s mum suggested she see a therapist to try and talk through what she was feeling.
“I accepted, again begrudgingly, and mainly did it to appease her more than for myself. I didn’t feel at all open to the idea of talking to a “stranger” about personal things. I felt silly, my issues trivial, and I wanted the sessions to be over as soon as they had begun.
“Since then, I have experienced therapy as a more open-minded adult and I know it can be very helpful if you are honest.
“Overall, I found help because, fortunately for me, I had my mum to support me and guide me in the right direction. It’s important to find someone to talk to that you trust.”
Exam grades do not define who you are
“For me, as a serious overachiever, leaving college was helpful. I started to realise that grades were insignificant in the grand scheme of things. They do not define who you are or your value in this world. This was a revelation for me. I had spent a long time at school with my head in a book, under piles of flashcards, and sacrificed my social life. I obsessed over every piece of work, I had to make it perfect.
“Having time away from learning meant Izzy could focus on building up a healthier routine that brought her some happiness and stability.
“I made banana pancakes for breakfast, because I fancied them. I went for walks in the local park and looked at the tadpoles in the pond. I wasn’t doing anything ground breaking, I was learning to exist without the need to be the perfect student.”
Friends kept me afloat
“Making sure to see my friends kept me afloat too. After leaving college, I felt like staying under the duvet and not talking to anyone. In my head, admitting that I had “dropped out” felt shameful, heavy, and awkward. I thought it would change the way people saw me.
Find people who uplift and energise you
Izzy realised spending time with the “right” people was always good even when you feel rubbish.
“It is important to find people who lift you up and leave you feeling re-energised. You don’t need to have deep conversations about the inner workings of your brain. Doing mundane things or laughing about something silly with other people can be very grounding.”
I learned to talk about how I felt
“Learning to be more open and talk about the things that bother me has been a challenge – one that I still struggle with and actively need to remind myself to do.
Because she found it so hard to communicate how she felt Izzy would go into a mute state which would frustrate her mum.
But she now realises bottling up emotions is not healthy.
“The act of sharing releases some tension from whatever thoughts and feelings have been weighing on your mind.”
Therapy is for everyone
“You might think only those who have gone through some horrific trauma need therapy. I thought that to start with. However, if your thoughts are making you miserable, they are not trivial and need to be addressed.
“Learning to talk to someone about the things that are causing you distress is a healthy skill to develop, a muscle you need to keep using. Plus, with a therapist, there’s no judgement. You’re not burdening them, this is a part of their job so you can yap and waffle on.”
Finding balance
Last September, Izzy started university and got a part-time job, but getting the right balance has been hard to navigate.
“I want to do well and get the most out of my degree, but I am making sure not to overdo it on the study front. ‘Little but often’ is my motto. I try to be organised. I allow time for everything that needs to be done, but if things don’t work out (and often this is the case with life), that’s OK.”
Go with the flow
“I remind myself that it’s ‘not the end of the world’ as my mum often says. I’m also learning to say ‘yes’ more and to go with the flow. I spent a long time turning down plans because I had homework to do or revision for exams.
“I have learned I am more productive, enjoy the work more, and am happier if I make sure to have ‘friend breaks’ in between.”
Take a walk
“Exercise has also been positive for my mood and something I find to be very cathartic.”
Walking in particular has become key to Izzy’s mental health.
“If I’m anxious and twitchy, I go for a walk. If I need to make a decision about something and it’s driving me crazy, I go for a walk. If I’m worked up because a friend has irritated me, I go for a walk. You get the point.”
Izzy says “Walking allows me to focus on my surroundings. Sometimes I do an exercise in which I list five things that I can hear, see, smell, taste, and fee. This takes me out of my own head and puts me back on the ground. It sounds stupid but the simple things can be the most effective.”
It’s okay to feel lost
“I’m no wellbeing guru, but there are a few things I have learned which have changed my perspective on life:
- It’s okay to feel “lost”, to feel like you don’t know what you’re doing or even what you want.
- You have plenty of time to “figure” things out.
- Just going through the motions of life can make things clearer without you even realising.
- Often it’s the skills and experience you gain from doing the mundane things which teach you the most.
Stop comparing yourself to others
Izzy has learnt to stop downwardly comparing herself to others.
“Lives you see on Instagram are a mirage. We are all on our own journeys, as cringey as it sounds, reaching milestones at our own pace.
“Comparing yourself to others leaves you feeling dissatisfied and resentful towards others.”
Things rarely turn out the way you expect
Izzy is now enjoying university, balancing her studies with an active social life.
“I started my psychology degree a at 23. I thought I would feel out of place amongst a sea of 18-year-olds. However, being older I have felt more motivated. I am genuinely interested and have chosen to be here.
“I realise now that things rarely turn out the way you expect.”
If you or a young person you know is struggling, help is available. Please reach out and don’t go it alone.
You can also find out more about coping with exam stress.
